Admittedly, before this album came out, I had fallen out of touch with Halsey. Aside from Badlands, a major staple in my pre-teen life
in 2015, and Hopeless Fountain Kingdom, I just found myself growing out of their music. That was until the spring of 2024 when I experienced the worst day of my life---the death of my father. I was at an all time low with my anxiety reaching its peak with constant heart palpatations, frequent pulling of hair, trips to the hospital and unending pills being shoved down my throat, and developing agoraphobia. It was a long, long period of turmoil that I sought escape from through music. When I discovered that this album was coming out, I was a bit skeptical that it wouldn't encapture me as much as Badlands did. However, going through all of this pushed me into doing taking a leap and listen to this body of work. And I must say if I had to be grateful for my anxiety for one thing, it would be this. I was met with an extradinary exploration into the fear of dying, leaving behind a legacy, the pain of being sick, the world as you know it crumbling under the false sense of power that you have over your own life. It was as if this was a tiny sliver of a miracle that I needed to start processing and understanding my feelings about my father's passing and death in general but also the complexities that come with all of that before and after. Similar to Halsey as she describes the journey and reasons for creating this album, my father lived with chronic illnesses. During most of my life, I've beared witness to his struggles with these illnesses since I was in elementary school. Never was I able to fully process such a monumentous and heavy deal from such a young age. This lingering voice in the back of my head constantly saying "your dad won't make it to your adulthood." Listening to this body of work, however, brought things into perspective for me and for my thoughts about my father. There's three particular songs on this album titled "The End," "Letters to God (1998)," and "Life of a Spider" that capture the anxieties and devastation of knowing there's a time limit and how these things affect a parent and child's relationship. With their deep and somber synths, echoes of Halsey's personal anecdotal moments with their child, and a lingering deep timbre of swelling saddness and fear, I was able to form a connection---a lifeline. To say this album affected me deeply would be an understatement. Hearing, "I don't ever wanna leave him, but I don't think it's my choice," "I'm basking in these moments where I feel a shred of joy," and "why do you make it hurt and why's it over so quick?" The personal and raw aspect of this body of work details a reality that many experience from either side, and the fact that Halsey was able to capture that in these tonally different songs, illustrating the highs and lows of life is one of the reasons this album is one of my favorites of all time.
Preacher's Daughter
Creator: Ethel Cain
Year: 2022
Genre: Americana, Dark Ambient, Rock
"These crosses all over my body / remind me of who I used to be / Jesus can always reject his father / but he can't escape his mother's blood" opens Ethel Cain's titular work "Preacher's Daughter." I found this album 2-3 years after its release, and on my first listen through, I hated it lmao. I could barely make it halfway through before just giving up on it. Granted now, I do look back at my past self and ashamedly shake my head at that decision, but I don't fully regret it as about 6 months later I found myself on the journey back.
I was able to slow down and actually take in what was being told through the synths, lyrics, and song titles. I was also able to take in the slow build up that accompanies every song. I love how Ethel imposes a deep dark trench that permeates the sometimes rotten and sometimes jarring scenes in the lyrics. If I had to say what shifted my purview of this piece, it would be my writing journey. I'm a writer and at the time the story I was creating reflected the atmosphere of this album (a southern town). So I partook in "research" using this album, which is where I truly listened to this body of work and connected to my own experience having lived in the South and having to adapt my experiences to my environment. It was only then that I was able to grasp that deep-sounding connection, and in a way my first experience with "Preacher's Daughter" was probably half due to my own rejection of my southern roots, and my rotting attention span that I am working on. I didn't make this realization until I started the track "Sun Bleached Flies"---a song reminiscent of a church choir whose voices echo through hollow walls and wooden pews. There's a portion of the track where Ethel wails "if it was meant to be, then it will be / I'll forgive it all as it comes back to me." It gives me chills as its a verbal prayer of someone desperately trying to accept the cards they've been dealt. With this point, another major theme of the album, the church and Jesus being this looming force that's in some ways fucking you over but you feel comfort from it in juxtaposition to family/bloodlines that sets your path before you're even born is a hard-hitting thing especially as someone born in the South.
DAMN.
Creator: Kendrick Lamar
Year: 2017
Genre: Hip-Hop, Rap, West Coast Hip-Hop
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Musings and Diatribes
Hello all! This tab will be for my music rants, current album/song favorites, and other music opinions :).
Happy Black History Month!
For the month of February, I want to highlight an album a day by a Black artist.
I've been sitting on this idea for a while with listening to albums outside of my comfort zone and experiencing new works, so I thought why don't I take this opportunity for Black History Month!
The albums I'll highlight here will be some I've listened to before and others I haven't. It'll also highlight Black artists of ALL genres since many don't get recognition at all.
Ego Death
Creator: The Internet
Year: 2015
Genre: Alternative, Alternative R&B, Neo-soul
Listened: February 9th
One of my all time favorites. The Internet's Ego Death is so ahead of its time but very much a product of its time. I remember listening to "Special Affair" for
the first time back in like 2016 and actually leviatating from Syd's (lead singer) soft voice contrasting with the sick bass in the background. While, this is one of my most stand out tracks
from the album, I can't forget others like "Gabby," "Palace/Curse," "Penthouse Cloud," or "Just Sayin/I Tried." I want to also highlight the other members of the band as well
because they heavily influence the atmospheric sound of the band. Alongside the main vocalist Syd, there's Matthew Martin and Steve Lacy. While they aren't the central vocalists,
they sometimes pop in and add such texture to a song. Martin is also on keyboard while Steve Lacy plays the guitar. Patrick Paige II anchors the bass guitar and Christopher Smith carries on the drums.
If you haven't already, PLEASE listen to them. They are a vibe, they're calming, and they're they have such a distinctive artistry that I always tend to find my way back to them. Also, I want to highlight the band's queer roots.
Syd identifies as a Lesbian and many of the bands songs illustrate that. There's also Steve Lacy you identifies as Bisexual which also shows up in their works and his own. Shoutout Gemini Rights!
I highly recommend, too, that you check out each members solo projects.
What a Devastating Turn of Events
Creator: Rachel Chinouriri
Year: 2024
Genre: Alternative, Indie-pop
Listened: February 8th
I was lucky enough to discover Rachel Chinouriri about a few months before this album came out. I remember being on twitter and in search of more indie/alternative Black
artists and stumbling upon her music video for "Never Need Me." I was immediately hooked. It was nice to have an album, I mainly say this for the alt/indie genres, specifically, by a Black woman that details about life, loss, love,
and heartbreak. It helped me through my own personal loss, and it was just damn good to have a Black woman be able to release an album and gain quick success from it. I saw her rise in real time, and it was so surreal to
see her grow into an artist. I can't wait to see how her music journery goes. If you get the chance, try her out.
To Pimp a Butterfly
Creator: Kendrick Lamar
Year: 2015
Genre: Hip-Hop, Rap, West Coast Hip-Hop
Listened: February 7th
If you don't know already, Kendrick Lamar is one of my all time favorite rappers and artists. I've technically listened to him since I was I elementary school and I always felt
a gravitation towards his artistry for its service to black culture and its undeniable sincerity, which I think a lot of mediums not just music lacks sometimes in fear of coming across
a fool or too feeling. But I think the thing that makes Kendrick standout is that he feels so much and it makes him want to express that. To Pimp a Butterfly is a great example of that.
Its jazzy and dual nature serves to encase and package the harsh realities of Lamar's experience in his life. Behind all these jukey and hard beats, is a search, a yearning for understanding, an understanding of the world,
of violence, of one's place, of death, of life, of race, and of contradictions. Tracks like "Alright," "Momma," "King Kunta," and "Hood Politics" expound on these themes.
Whitney Houston
Creator: Whitney Houston
Year: 1985
Genre: Pop
Listened: February 7th
Have you ever heard something more angelic, romantic, or harmonious than this album? I surely doubt it. Whitney Houston's self-titled album is one for the books.
I don't know if I can even describe the experience listening to it for the first time. It was a slow start at first, the first two tracks didn't catch me but man when it hit about the midway point, it's a very short album so it's not much, I was in for an
ethereal experience. "Saving All my Love" is obviously a well known beautiful song, but there's something about listening to it here on this body of work that just hits different. And, I think this album
has some of the best features ever with Jermaine Jackson and Teddy Pendergrass. Their voices melded so beautifully with Whitney's I was at a lost for words. But, "Nobody Loves Me Like You Do" takes the cake. One of the greatest songs of all time. I highly recommend
anyone to listen to it if they haven't because it will make you feel like you're levitating.
Full Moon
Creator: Brandy
Year: 2002
Genre: R&B/Soul
Listened: February 5th
I hate that it took me so long to get into this album because it was so ahead of its time. From sound, to lyrical content, to style, Brandy's Full Moon has influenced most of the pop and
R&B landscape. It wasn't lost on me while entering the album that I could figure out where acts like Ariana Grande, JoJo, or Jazmine Sullivan get inspired by Brandy's soft yet rapsy voice whimsily singing the lyrics to the futuristic beats.
While it's undeniable that Brandy helped shape the landscape of R&B, I don't think we should forgo her influence on pop either. Till this day, much of her characteristics can be found in the mainstream pop space.
To me, the opening and ending are the strong points of the album. I don't know the last time I immediately got enthralled with a body of work so quickly. The middle portion while still strong didn't hit much for me, but this only made
me appreciate the closing tracks so much more. I loved building back up through the rhythm and beats. I think I have to classify this album as one of my staples now. It's just so fresh
even though it came out 24 years ago!
I don't know where to start with this rant. But ig i'll just start with my experience with Taylor Swift's new album. I did not like it. It was juvenile, mediocre, and boring. I'm not a huge Taylor fan although I do believe that she has good bodies of work and ear-catchy tunes. However, I'm very critical of her reception, how she's propelled into the musicsphere as a lone pioneer---a tortured poet who waxes poetic at every turn, years beyond her peers. I feel as though this sentiment is not only centered in the standards of an overwhelmingly white majority but also overshadows the work of non-white artists. This isn't fully Taylor's fault, however, she does nothing to negate it, which I guess I can understand in her centrist ways. But its annoying because there are so many musicians, especially queer and poc artists that are so beyond her basic level---who say a lot through their music--- yet never gain the same amount of recognition or praise. I mean hell Kendrick Lamar---PULITZER WINNER KENDRICK LAMAR outside of the African-American cultural zeitgeist isn't recognized for his lyricism that I argue encapsulates more about experiences like love, loss, etc., then any of the lyrics in Taylor's music. Idk I guess I'm just tired of only one perspective being forced to represent a diverse and rich scene.
