Music Blog
The Great Impersonator
Creator: Halsey
Year: 2024
Genre: Pop Rock
Admittedly, before this album came out, I had fallen out of touch with Halsey. Aside from Badlands, a major staple in my pre-teen life in 2015, and Hopeless Fountain Kingdom, I just found myself growing out of their music. That was until the spring of 2024 when I experienced the worst day of my life---the death of my father. I was at an all time low with my anxiety reaching its peak with constant heart palpatations, frequent pulling of hair, trips to the hospital and unending pills being shoved down my throat, and developing agoraphobia. It was a long, long period of turmoil that I sought escape from through music. When I discovered that this album was coming out, I was a bit skeptical that it would rapture me as much as Badlands did. However, going through all of this pushed me into doing taking a leap and listen to this body of work. And I must say if I had to be grateful for my anxiety for one thing, it would be this. I was met with an extradinary exploration into the fear of dying, leaving behind a legacy, the pain of being sick, the world as you know it crumbling under the false sense of power that you have over your own life. It was as if this was a tiny sliver of a miracle that I needed to start processing and understanding my feelings about my father's passing and death in general but also the complexities that come with all of that before and after. Similar to Halsey as she describes the journey and reasons for creating this album, my father lived with chronic illnesses. During most of my life, I've beared witness to his struggles with these illnesses since I was in elementary school. Never was I able to fully process such a monumentous and heavy deal from such a young age. This lingering voice in the back of my head constantly saying "your dad won't make it to your adulthood." Listening to this body of work, however, brought things into perspective for me and for my thoughts about my father. There's three particular songs on this album titled "The End," "Letters to God (1998)," and "Life of a Spider" that capture the anxieties and devastation of knowing there's a time limit and how these things affect a parent and child's relationship. With their deep and somber synths, echoes of Halsey's personal anecdotal moments with their child, and a lingering deep timbre of swelling saddness and fear, I was able to form a connection---a lifeline. To say this album affected me deeply would be an understatement. Hearing, "I don't ever wanna leave him, but I don't think it's my choice," "I'm basking in these moments where I feel a shred of joy," and "why do you make it hurt and why's it over so quick?" The personal and raw aspect of this body of work details a reality that many experience from either side, and the fact that Halsey was able to capture that in these tonally different songs, illustrating the highs and lows of life is one of the reasons this album is one of my favorites of all time.
Preacher's Daughter
Creator: Ethel Cain
Year: 2022
Genre: Americana, Dark Ambient, Rock
"These crosses all over my body / remind me of who I used to be / Jesus can always reject his father / but he can't escape his mother's blood" opens Ethel Cain's titular work "Preacher's Daughter." I found this album 2-3 years after its release, and on my first listen through, I hated it lmao. I could barely make it halfway through before just giving up on it. Granted now, I do look back at my past self and ashamedly shake my head at that decision, but I don't fully regret it as about 6 months later I found myself on the journey back. I was able to slow down and actually take in what was being told through the synths, lyrics, and song titles. I was also able to take in the slow build up that accompanies every song. I love how Ethel imposes a deep dark trench that permeates the sometimes rotten and sometimes jarring scenes in the lyrics. If I had to say what shifted my purview of this piece, it would be my writing journey. I'm a writer and at the time the story I was creating reflected the atmosphere of this album (a southern town). So I partook in "research" using this album, which is where I truly listened to this body of work and connected to my own experience having lived in the South and having to adapt my experiences to my environment. It was only then that I was able to grasp that deep-sounding connection, and in a way my first experience with "Preacher's Daughter" was probably half due to my own rejection of my southern roots, and my rotting attention span that I am working on. I didn't make this realization until I started the track "Sun Bleached Flies"---a song reminiscent of a church choir whose voices echo through hollow walls and wooden pews. There's a portion of the track where Ethel wails "if it was meant to be, then it will be / I'll forgive it all as it comes back to me." It gives me chills as its a verbal prayer of someone desperately trying to accept the cards they've been dealt. With this point, another major theme of the album, the church and Jesus being this looming force that's in some ways fucking you over but you feel comfort from it in juxtaposition to family/bloodlines that sets your path before you're even born is a hard-hitting thing especially as someone born in the South.
DAMN.
Creator: Kendrick Lamar
Year: 2017
Genre: Hip-Hop, Rap, West Coast Hip-Hop
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